Post #39
Emotions were slowly deepening as sentiments like “RAWR” were now being shared via texting. Although a little childish perhaps, the word exchanged meant something nonetheless and it was a small symbol of the love we shared and felt for one another. It made sense to me as saying the other 3 words would not have been right given our situation and “RAWR” just kept things light even though we felt deeper than that.
So communication continued and we got together a week later on Sept 6th. TF had always mentioned that he and his wife didn’t do much together especially during the week so I thought that this would be a great opportunity to show him that we would do things together and spend time with one another so I told TF that we were going to go for a walk around the lake by my house as I loved walking this path. TF was more than delighted to partake in this activity with me so off to the lake we went.
He was prepared to, a black puma/Adidas like track suit, a white t-shirt underneath and running shoes. It was different seeing him wear something other than dress clothes. He looked casual and cute. We started our walk. He again spoke about what was going on that week with he and his wife and the normal conversation took place. We finished the first lap and decided to go for a second one. I was having a great time. Doing stuff with my partners is very important to me. During this lap I believe I started telling him about some of the things that SW and my mom were saying about the situation we had going on. Both SW and my mom were concerned that I was going to end up hurt because they believed that TF was not going to leave his wife. This sparked an interesting conversation.
TF decided at that point to play two roles – one was as my friend and the other was as an interested party (in me). I would ask him questions pretending as if he was not the man I was having this relationship with but as my friend, so I would talk in third person and he would respond as a friend and talk about this guy like he was on the outside looking into this situation and not being in it. I hope that makes sense. Anyways, it was a great conversation because it allowed TF to see it from two angles and he said that it really opened his eyes to the whole thing. I was amazed how he was able to detach himself emotionally and look at the situation from an outsiders perspective all the while knowing the intimate details of the circumstance.
During one lap we sat down at a bench as I needed to rest for a minute. We continued the conversation and I asked him a question as the man in my life and not as my friend. I can’t remember verbatim but I think it was about him telling her (his wife) about us. He said that he wants her to ask him if he is cheating because at least then it would get a conversation started as TF said that the most difficult part about this is where to begin “the” conversation with her about wanting out of the marriage. I asked what he would say to her. He said he would tell her that he is having an affair. Now most people think that an affair is usually physical but as I have mentioned before TF and I share a bond that goes beyond the physicality. We share a psychological and emotional connection. If I was asked which type of affair I would rather have my partner involved in, I think I would say “physical” because this kind of affair is animalistic in nature, however the other type takes intimacy to another level and requires time to build. TF and I have built on ours for 13 years.
At the end of our walk we had done 5 laps and each lap is 3.1 kms meaning that we walked 15.5 kms that evening. Holy crap!!! I don’t think I have ever walked that much. But in those 15.5 kms a lot was discussed and I think a lot was realized.
Are there any “Friends” fanatics reading this? Well I have the entire series and I have watched episodes lately and on Sept 11th something happened with TF and I that made me think of a certain episode. TF and I were hanging out at my place on this evening and we got off the couch and headed towards the door because he was getting ready to leave. We were standing by the island in my kitchen and we started kissing. Now if you’ve kept up with this story you would know that TF and I have only kissed and up to this point there hasn’t even been tongue yet. So the touching of our lips commences and after a few moments the intensity of said kiss increases. I feel butterflies in my stomach and I slowly open my mouth and run my tongue along his upper lip. Aforementioned TF is a ‘touch’ person and when I did this his entire body quivered. I mean he literally shuck and moved his head away from mine to take in what had just happened. Score!!! LOL. I gave him a second and then I put my hand around his head and pulled his face into mine and kissed him again. I pushed his body up against the island and pressed myself into him, we french kissed for the first time. Now while all that was going on, a thought went through my head ”OMG I’m making out with TF.” Now back to the ‘Friends’ episode where Rachel and Ross make out for the first time and she starts laughing when they are kissing because she can’t believe she is making out with her long time best friend Ross. Well something like that happened. I mean I didn’t like laugh out loud but I was smiling and TF knew it cause he stopped and asked me what I was smiling about. So I told him. He laughed. We continued. The make out session was hot as parts of his body told me so (haha). He then slowly moved his hands and caressed my butt. This made me laugh again as the image of Ross touching Rachel’s butt came into my mind’s eye and I said out loud “OMG, you’re touching my butt” and he nodded with a smirk on his face. It was weird to be honest. He was touching my butt. We have never gone this far before and I suddenly became self-conscious. LOL.
He went to leave and I felt sad. I wanted to continue making out with him as it was feeling really good. He started putting on his shoes and we started talking. I was teasing him with facial and body expressions trying to get him to stay. It worked because he quickly said ‘I need to finish this” and took off his shoes. Now I thought that when he said “finish this” that we were going to end up having sex and I felt alright with it. interesting. However he came over to me, wrapped me in his arms, looked at my bedroom and started making out with me again. I was waiting for him to walk me backwards into my bedroom, lay me down on my bed and start working his magic. But he didn’t. We stayed in my kitchen and continued the make out session that we had started earlier. Very nice. He left with a huge grin on his face, a huge thing in his pants and I knew that he would be back for some more of that!
A week later things escalated to a whole other level.
TF and I had spoken the day before and he was trying to see if he would be able to come and see me the next day. He couldn’t guarantee it and we both felt upset about this as it had been a few days since we last saw each other. Now the event that took place next is very bizarre and I believe happened the way it did for a reason. So, 98% of the time I would say that any text messages that are sent from TF to me I receive pretty quickly. Now the morning of the 18th I got a text message from TF saying good morning and I responded with the same comment. I didn’t hear anything after that and I went on with my morning figuring that he was busy and I would hear from him later. The afternoon rolled around and I got a text from him asking me if I was busy. I had just vacuumed but replied with a no. He asked if I had received his text messages letting me know that he was doing some things around the house but that he would be by to see me in a bit. I said no. He said that he would show me the text messages. SO I waited. Curious to see them. My phone then rang. It was someone at my downstairs door. He was here. What?! Shit. I looked at myself in the mirror. LOL. Not a good sight. Crap. I let him in anyway. I tried to fix myself up but it didn’t help. He knocked on my door and I opened it trying to look as cute as possible. He smiled and walked in. He showed me his phone which had the messages he sent me on the screen. Yep, he was right, he had texted me about coming over to see me about three hours ago. I showed him my phone with no such texts on it. Interesting. We both smiled and of course talked about how weird that was. Ok. So he was here looking cute and I was looking….dishevled. He went and sat down on the couch. I didn’t know what to do. LOL. I sat on the chair across from him cuz I didn’t want to be close to him for him to touch me as I clearly remembered that I hadn’t shaved, nor brushed my teeth, nor put deodorant on, so I was staying as far away from his as possible. I asked if he would be ok if I took a shower, he motioned for me to go do what I needed to. Of course, always the gentleman.
So I got up and went into my bedroom to get some clean towels. I went into the bathroom and suddenly stopped and wondered. Do I close the door? Leave it open? How much would I want him to see? Could he see me? What is he thinking of me going into the shower? So I turned on the shower, closed the door a bit, undressed behind it, threw the towel on the floor, and ran across the floor and hopped in the shower. LOL. I was very aware that he was in my house. I started shaving and doing what I do all the while thinking – What would I do if he came into the bathroom? What if he got undressed and got in the shower with me? I was distracted. I knew that he wouldn’t because TF if not like that. I rushed to get everything done while I still constantly looked for a dark shadow in the curtains. It never showed. I turned the water off, opened the shower curtain and grabbed the towel off the floor. I stepped out of the tub and dried myself off. I towel dried my hair. I looked in the mirror and thought I looked hot. Hrmmmmm……what could I do with this? An evil grin appeared on my face. I wrapped the towel around myself, opened the door and stepped into the living room where he was sitting. I leaned my shoulder up against the wall and faced him. He looked over at me and smiled. There was silence for a moment and I asked him how he felt about me being in the shower while he sat here. He said that he wondered what I would do if he had walked in. I laughed and said that I thought the same thing. I said while watching him closely. What do you want to do with me standing here like this? He looked at me and said that he wants to come over and kiss me. I told him “do it”. I got up off the couch and walked over to me never moving his eyes from mine. My heart fluttered and my body tensed a bit in anticipation. He put his arms around my waist and brought me close into him while he lowered his mouth to mine. I put my arms around his neck and kissed him back. We kissed for a while and when we parted he grabbed a stool that was behind him and sat down. LOL. Yep, I’m that good! HAHAHA.
We stood apart from each other talking about things we wanted to do with each other and we were debating whether we should take things any further. He was behind me at this point hugging me and kissing my back when I said that my friend was going to be dropping off a movie I had let her borrow. By this time we had ended up talking about what to do for over 30 minutes when he finally said, then go get dressed, if we have to talk about it this much, we are obviously not ready to take it further. I agreed and since my friend was coming I needed to change. He let me go and I went into my bedroom to get dressed. I sat on my bed, opened my sock drawer and thought for a moment. I didn’t want to get dressed. I didn’t want to stop making out. I got up and went to the island where I had put my phone. I texted my friend and asked her if I could get the movie from her later and she replied with a yes. Still wrapped in the towel, I put my phone down and walked over to him lying on the couch. I stood over him and he looked up at me. I pulled up the towel to just over my knees and I got on top of him. It surprised us both but I think him more. We looked at each other in the eyes for a moment and then I lowered myself down to kiss him.
I could feel the towel moving off my body as the kissing and the hand roaming escalated. I didn’t mind but I was suddenly thinking that if I moved to get up, the towel would fall and he is going to see my boobs and probably much more than that. I think he read my mind because he grabbed the towel and moved it up a bit so I was more covered. It was at this point where I was like ‘you know what, fuck it’ and I leaned up letting the towel drop to my waist on top of him and I let him see my upper body. I wasn’t nervous or concerned on how he would react and he reacted as I thought he would. He grabbed me, pulled me down to him and kissed me. I took his one hand and placed it on one of my breasts and I felt him enjoy this moment. It felt really nice. I leaned up again and said that he looked hot and needed to get rid of some of his clothing. I helped him unzip his sweater and both the sweater and his shirt landed on the floor. He was bare chested now and I slowly placed my skin on his for the first time. Our temperatures were the same – warm. That surprised me. We continued making out on the couch for a bit until I asked him if he wanted to move this to the bedroom. He nodded. We got up and the towel dropped to the floor. I was now completely naked in front of him but he picked up the towel without really looking and wrapped it around me.
He followed me into the bedroom.
