Post #31

Helllloooooooo, and where have you been?  Who me? Yes you! Well, what can I say…it truly has been a long time since I posted and there is absolutely no excuse from my laziness.

The last post I wrote which I reviewed only yesterday made me laugh because at the end I started mentioning a new guy in my life…???…ummmm, who was that now?  Obviously not who I thought he was going to be.  If I remember correctly, he was in and out of my life so fast it didn’t feel like anything at all.  So, that won’t take up too much of my thoughts.

But, I can say with more certainty that there is a new beau in my life and has been for about 8 months now.  Now this is a bit of an interesting/uncommon story, I think anyway, and by other people’s comments as I tell them about our relationship, my assessment is not that far off…so let me begin…

Post # 29

This should be the last post in this five part series of writings.  In the end I hope I have given a very detailed account of my relationship with TF and how he affected my life.  I am sure many readers have thought about why I have written this in such a way where I came across as being conceded, presumptuous and probably a little smug.  The answer….I didn’t write this entirely for them, the readers, I wrote it ultimately for me.  The reason…I needed to release this story so I no longer feel that I own the pain.  I needed to get it out of my thoughts so I may perhaps get to the point of being able to let him go. In saying that, I also wanted to share my story with others, the good and the bad, whomever wants to read it, as all of it was a part of my life, it was a part of me and whether I like it or not, it always will be.

For those of you who have read from the beginning, thank you.  Thank you for taking the time to read my story and share in the events of my life.  I hope you have enjoyed thus far what you have read and I encourage you to continue to read as I post future writings.

Where was I….The phone call…

Post # 28

It’s amazing how different songs mean different things to each person and how one song can affect someone so much.  I recently bought the Avril Lavigne CD “Under My Skin” and while listening to one song, ‘Take Me Away’ I really felt it spoke to me and explained in basic terms what I have been feeling in regards to the whole TF situation.

I thought I would share….

Post # 27

I am sure by now some of my comments in previous posts have hinted that this story doesn’t have a fairy tale ending…and being the smart cookies that you are, you are right…however the day that I went to meet TF for lunch I never imagined that in a few months my prince would ride away and become only a figure in my memory.  Never in the 10 years that I had known him did I EVER believe that there would come a time where we would no longer talk or be friends, where we would be completely detached and apart….

Let’s begin…

The lunch date was scheduled I believe the end of January, beginning of February 2008, just a few months before the wedding.  I wanted to give him time to think of what he wanted to do before he went ahead and tied the knot and then realized that we were meant to be together.   Some people thought I was wrong in telling him but I felt that TF and I never hid anything from each other regardless of what it was and he had always been so open with his feelings that I only felt that it was fair that I tell him exactly what I was feeling.  So I drove to our lunch date feeling hopeful…

Post # 26

Please read New Friends…(Part One) and Broken Hearts… (Part Two) before proceeding.

So I received an email from TF and when I saw his name I felt butterflies in my stomach.  It had been so long since we had talked and seen each other and I was anxious to read since we had now reconnected.

I opened the email and quickly read what it said.  I was not surprised when I came to read that he too had been trying to locate me via email.  He mentioned that he could only remember one email address and I obviously no longer used it as I never responded.  So when he checked the website where I had messaged him, he answered.  Now the funny thing was as he pointed out was that the email address I used to contact him was one that he hardly checked anymore.  It was the address that we used a few years back when we did a  blog site together called ‘He said/She Said’.  He said that it was very rare that he checked that account but for some reason he checked the next day and found my email.   We were ecstatic.

Post # 25

I cried for the first time in months tonight…actually the last time I cried I had come to realize that I had lost my best friend.  It is amazing how easy it is to walk down the self-destructive path…and in my minds eye all I see is everything that I hate about me and my life.  I have been doing this a lot lately (criticizing myself) and I can see why I have perhaps stumbled into a bout of depression.

Post #10

Saturday night…sittin’ here at home in bed not doing much and for some reason I find myself thinking of you. I just want to talk to you all the time. You have become such an important person in my life and I cling to the thought that it will always be this way. I wanted to dedicate a post specifically to you because I want to display just how much you mean to me. You are always there for me when I need you and you have always been the one I could depend on regardless of what you were dealing with in your life. I always felt first and important. I could never have ever asked for someone more understanding, thoughtful, considerate, and communicative in my entire life. You truly are one of a kind. You make me feel beautiful and desired. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

You are my best friend

Love you now and always.

Until next time,

‘Life – It Is What It Is’

~Purplehaze81 ~

Post #5

The validity of astrology was one of the many sections I have looked at in my science course that I am currently taking at university. It was also the start of a conversation that I had with my best friend yesterday, who I will refer to for the time being as –> RG

I have always wondered about astrology and its connection to my life. I would not say that I am a believer but I would also not say that I am a skeptic. I am more a neutral person. However, one idea that came up in my science class was the notion around how we take astrology’s claims and ‘fit’ them into our lives and make sense of them by doing so. When I spoke about this to RG he did not completely agree with me on this and threw a book on the table that I was sitting at. The book was all about his astrological sign Scorpio for the months of Jan, Feb and Mar. Now, RG and I have been friends for just over a decade now so I can honestly and 100% say that I know him pretty well and I don’t think he would disagree with me on that statement.

Anyways, I began to read the book and WOW I was blown away. This book was describing him as if it was written about him. I wanted to swallow my words but instead I thought for a moment. He was as shocked as I was. I was now very curious to see how accurate my book would be and what it would say. Needless to say, on my way to work today I stopped off at Shoppers to see if I could get a hold of one. Nope…that didn’t happen and the guy at the checkout gave me a really weird look…but whatever. So I am still curious and now on the hunt.

Then I remembered that I had my lifepath number. This is a number that you get when you add up all the numbers in your birth date, so for example my lifepath number is 7 because I was born on March 30, 1981 and to get my lifepath number you go like this: March = 3 then 3 + 0 + 1 + 9 + 8 + 1 = 25 = 2 + 5 = 7

I got this from the movie Number 23 –> excellent movie BTW

If you are curious about what your number means go to: http://www.astrology-numerology.com/num-lifepath.html

The Life Path 7 suggests that you entered this plane with a gift for investigation, analysis, and keen observation. You are a thinker of the first order. You evaluate situations very quickly, and with amazing accuracy. As a result, you are thorough and complete in your work, the perfectionist who expects everyone else to meet a high standard of performance, too. I agree and disagree with this paragraph.

A Life Path 7 person is a peaceful and affectionate soul. But you guard your connection to people carefully. It’s easy for you to detect deception and recognize insincere people, and you avoid them. You aren’t one to have a wide circle of friends, but once you accept someone as a friend, it’s for life. It’s as if you must get to know someone a lot better before you allow the wall surrounding you to be penetrated. Chances are you are a very charming and refined individual with great poise and a quick wit. Nonetheless, there is an exclusiveness about you. You probably aren’t a very social person. Your reserve is often taken to be aloofness, but actually, it’s not that at all. It is merely a cover up for your basic feeling of insecurity. There’s no rush, It takes time for you to warm up to new friends. Clubs and organizations hold little interest for you; you are not a joiner. This sounds very much like me.

You actually like being alone and away from the hustle and bustle of modern life. In many ways, you would have fit in better in much earlier times when the pace of life was less hectic. You need a good deal of quiet time to be with your own inner thoughts and dreams. You dislike crowds, noise, distractions, and confusion. Agreed.

The overwhelming strength of the number 7 is reflected in the depth of thinking that is shown; you will garner knowledge from practically every source that you find. Intellectual, scientific, and studious, you don’t accept a premise until you have dissected the subject and arrived at your own independent conclusion. This paragraph I would agree with as I am very much a thinker. I try to take in as much as possible from every aspect and I adsorb the info.

This is a very spiritual number and it often denotes a sort of spiritual wisdom that becomes apparent at a fairly early age. A built in inner guide providing a strong sense of intuition may set you up as being a law unto yourself. Whatever spiritual position you take, whether traditional or bizarre, you will cling to it with fervor. Once you have decided an issue, it is almost impossible to get you to revisit the question. Adaptability is not your style, and change for you is a rarity. I would disagree with this above section as I am very adaptable and love change. I am not overly spiritual however.

You rely heavily on your experiences and your intuition, rather than accepting advice from someone. Your hunches usually prove to be very accurate, and knowing this, you follow the directions they seem to guide.

In the most negative use of the 7 energies, you can become very pessimistic, lackadaisical, quarrelsome, and secretive. A Life Path 7 individual who is not living life fully and gaining through experiences, is a hard person to live with because of a series lack of consideration of others. There is such a negative attitude. Indeed, operating on the negative side of the 7 can produce a very selfish and spoiled individual and living with one can be a challenge. This may be why some 7s actually prefer living alone. If you have any of the negative traits they are very difficult to get rid of because you tend to feel that the world really does owe you a living or that in some way you are not being fairly treated.

Fortunately, the negative 7 is not the typical 7, at least not without some mitigating positive traits. This number is one that seems to have some major shifts from highs to lows. Stability in feelings may be elusive for you.

So there you have it….what do you think?

RG also asked me a very interesting question while I was with him and I told him that I would put my response into a post. That post is currently under construction and will be done shortly. The question was…

“What do I look for in a potential partner?”

Until next time,

‘Life – It Is What It Is’

~ Purplehaze81 ~

Post #2…

I was listening to my music collection last night and I heard a song for the first time and I was amazed as to how well this song captures what I have dealt with and gone through in my life in regards to love. I thought that I would post the song. Although very close to what I have experienced, I am going to edit a few parts of the song to personalize it. I have used brackets [ and ] around words that I have changed or inserted in order to do this.

The song is called “What Is This Love” by Blue Rodeo. I would highly recommend you listen to this song…it is beautiful.

What is this love
That I have [left] behind
How can I turn
From the tears in [my] eyes

What is this world
Where [I] always [believe]

That it is [all] worth it
Worth it in the end

What is this life we share[d]
That I [have] throw[n] away
[Why] is [it] love
That causes so much pain

What is the promise
That I leave behind
Why can’t I
Just lie beside you again

Chorus:
What’s goin’ on
How’d it get so wrong

What is this dream
[I don't think] I’ll ever find
What is this prayer
That’s [still on] my mind
What is this deal
That I’ve just made with fate

And I wonder [to myself]
If I [can continue to wait]

I am very interested in hearing your thoughts on this and your interpretation(s) of what I have just posted.

Until next time,

‘Life – It Is What It Is’

~ Purplehaze81 ~

Post #1…

Hello to all fellow blog writers and to all readers…

I bid you all a happy read and hope you will come back and visit me often Now it’s just finding the time and the material to post to keep you coming back.

So here I go…

Welcome!!!

Every person that decides to begin writing a blog has a reason behind doing so. Here is mine…

I received a text message late last week from a very close friend of mine who indicated that I apparently have a lack of ‘online presence’. Online presence? What is that? To my surprise this friend had googled me to see how often my name came up and he messaged me telling me that there was only one hit. The reason behind him googleing me is a whole other story, one that I may get to in time. However, his comment was quite interesting to me and after a discussion with him I decided to start posting again.

Now you may have thought “again” what does she mean by “again.” Well, many years ago this friend of mine (same as above) and I decided that we wanted to post our thoughts for each other and for others to read and comment on if they wished to do so. We constructed, or should I say he constructed a website where both he and I could separately post comments, stories and internal thoughts that showed up side by side on a website…it was titled “He Said/She Said,” his comments on one side of the screen and mine on the other. It was quite intriguing at the time but unfortunately did not last very long. The reasons behind that? I am trying to remember…

Anyways, the discussion of resurrecting the site was brought up but it became obvious to me that it would be better if I just post on my own and allow for people to read and comment. Managing a website can be very time consuming, so by posting this way neither one of us has to devote much time to managing. Works for me

I now hope that with this venture it will create my second hit when I’m googled and that my ‘online presence’ has now increased…

So here I post again.

Until next time,

‘Life ~ It Is What It Is’

~ Purplehaze81 ~